In life, as we all know, there are the haves, and then there are the have nots. The Kardashian family certainly are amongst the haves. Sure, their father is dead, but millions have had it worse. Countless people in developing nations live on less than a dollar a day, working in squalid conditions for that pittance, or closer to home, Lamar Odom, husband of tallest sister Khloe, was raised in South Jamaica, Queens by his grandmother, due to the fact that his father was a heroin addict and his mother died when he was twelve.
There are difficult stories wherever you go, but the sheer wealth and prosperity afforded to the Kardashian sisters can at times be quite disgusting, especially in times of deep recession and economic collapse in the United States. As Fat Joe boasts at the beginning of his 2009 track “Cupcakes”: ‘We don’t see no recession…We don’t give a **** about no recession…’ Such is life for the very few privileged, while the masses languish and wallow in poverty, job losses and day to day mediocrity.
Nonetheless, the public has, despite the many cringeworthy OMG I got drunk and broke a nail, where’s my butler moments, taken quite a liking to “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”, and I must say, compared to most programming nowadays, it is trashy reality TV at its best. The show begins with an anniversary of Bruce and Kris Jenner (formerly Kardashian), but you kind of get the feeling that Kris is still in love with her ex-husband, attorney Robert Kardashian, and that Bruce is just there for security and company. I can’t believe I am saying this, since he is an Olympic Gold Medallist, but for the most part, Bruce is kind of a pushover.
Don’t get me wrong — I kinda like the guy: He is simple, calm, laid-back and just wants to play with his toy helicopters. I don’t wish him to be any other way. I say he is a push over but a lot of it is just due to the fact that he really doesn’t care and doesn’t want to get involved in the high-pitched flame wars that often engulf the Kardashian residence. At 60 years old, it’s just not worth the stress. I feel sorry for Bruce (though not that much, because he is rich as hell) — he is often caught in the middle and by his own admission, is “scared” of wife Kris, mother of all six children.
Ah, Kris. What to say about Kris. Kris, mother of six, and still battling on strong. Before I say anything about Kris, let me try to convince you that I do have nice things to say and I’m not here to rip on anyone, although it is tempting when you see first hand just how rich they are — check out this positive statement about Kim for size — I’ve seen Kim’s sex tape and concluded, like most sane, normal people, that she wasn’t the type of girl you’d want to bring home and meet your mother. However, after watching this reality show, I’ve seen Kim with clothes on, speaking not moaning, working hard posing half-naked for magazines as opposed to posing fully naked on home video for Ray J for no money (correction, she got paid for that in the end but she didn’t know at the time it was going to be distributed worldwide).
Now, I’m not saying Kim is a saint but out of the three Kardashian sisters, she seems to be the most sensitive one; she cries a lot and lies a bit too much but she’s generally a whole lot nicer than scary, potty-mouthed Khloe or uptight, arrogant Kourney. I can’t say anything about the two youngest girls Kendall and Kylie (who strictly aren’t Kardashians at all), because they are so young, however from what I can tell they are typical rich californian teenage girls. So yes, Kim does get paid millions because she is beautiful – and with those wonderfully mysterious armenian looks she sure is beautiful – but she is also the nicest of the three.
Now, as promised, on to Kris. My honest opinion is that Kris is a really bossy woman. She has done well to give birth to such a beautiful specimen as Kim but does she really need to leach off of her 10%? Okay, so Kim does need a manager I suppose, but there is always an element of fire in her eyes, of twisted evil joy, when she manages (no pun intended) to get Kim another big photoshoot. You can tell that in a fit of excitement, just after she gets off of the phone with the semi-pornographic magazine, she gets out her top of the range laptop, goes to Accessories-> Calculator, and keys in [KIM’S MONEY] multiplied by 0.1 every time.
Bruce calls her from the lounge asking for HIS OWN credit card to buy a candy bar to which she swiftly replies, “No! I’m busy!” and then she’s off to Kim’s condo to try and persuade her own daughter to pose nude (again). Okay, so the candy bar part didn’t happen exactly, but it did later on take place with a toy helicopter, and the racy pictures are of course all true. Kris even used her domineering wisdom to hire a completely inappropriate babysitter for Kendall and Kylie, who are around eleven or twelve at the time. She is called Bree: She is blonde, wearing a skimpy bikini, hotpants and smoking cigarettes. Nice one Kris. Or what about episode 3, Brody In The House, featuring Bruce’s son Brody from The Hills, in which Kris rushes her three daughters off to Mexico to pose for Girls Gone Wild (!!!!), and does Bruce know about this? Of course not! You think Kris would care to tell Bruce, the man who pays for the house and takes care of everyone rain or shine? Of course not!
The one episode that really stands out for me in the first season is number 7, Helping Hand, where a homeless man named Shorty, who is squatting around the bins outside DASH (the three sisters’ clothing store), is picked up by a most kind, caring Khloe and given a ‘makeover’ to not look so ‘stinky’. Part of me thinks, oh, well, so Khloe’s not so bad after all; another part of me thinks, this is clearly just for the camera. And yet ANOTHER part of me feels a distinct anger: they are patronising this homeless man, they have no idea what being poor to that extreme feels like (and nor do I, for the record), so don’t do it for cameras unless you are going to at least have some consistency. Kim, Khloe and Kourtney only care about the following people: football players, basketball players and socialites. If you are not in that group of people, they don’t care. It’s sad, but true. Reality. Would I want to date a homeless guy? No. So I guess even I am just a mini Kim Kardashian.
Every woman is, I think. We crave status. That’s what money brings us. It’s why Kris’ eyes light up red whenever a new contract is thrown on the table, even if that means throwing out her own daughter into the worldwide meat market. Kim has already done a pornographic film, so why hold back? Even if they’re getting paid hundreds of thousands per episode, “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” sure entertains me, and I guess for better or worse that’s what TV is all about. It’s trash, but it’s good trash, kind of like a hamburger with extra cheese and mayo, or cookie dough with double white chocolate chips. You know you shouldn’t have it, you know it’s wrong, but you just can’t resist. And it gets even better when Kourtney’s boyfriend Scott Disick comes into the picture, the only boyfriend of theirs I have seen who is not over 8 foot and a multimillionaire football and/or basketball player. But for what he lacks in stature (and employment) he sure does compensate with personality. Stay tuned.